Today, I planted veggies in my raised bed garden in my backyard -- tomatoes, spinach, kale, peppers, beets, cucumbers, basil, corn, and corn -- the corn wasn't my idea. I usually have an ice rink in my backyard in the winter, but with the climate getting warmer, global warming, you know, I figured to screw the rink and just plant my own food. Kinda proud too because I used all leftover crap from my garage to build the damn thing. I imagine, if things go well I'll have a bunch of organic veggies to eat by July. I put up some chicken wire too to keep those rabbits away. I like rabbits -- all animals, but they like spinach/lettuce and well, that's a problem. Last week there was a fox in my backyard -- not much to be done about that...sad too, because the damn thing looked like it had been through hell, all beat to shit like it had been in a brawl with a bear. I have to go now because the Blackhawks and Sharks game is on...

I cannot believe that there is that much oil in the ocean and it's not a top priority for the administration -- so nuts and depressing.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being An Idiot

If there 's anything I've learned over the years, it's this: Work hard, be nice, and covet the ridiculous. I'm an idiot, at least that's what some of my friends would say -- not to be mean, but just as a matter of fact, an affable trait they find endearing. I'm okay with this, really, I am. In fact, I'm more than okay with being an 'idiot.' You see, I'm actually a genius.

I'm sitting her watching a hockey game, pretending to listen to my ten-year-old, writing a blog, breathing, drinking a beer, eating chips with salsa, sneezing and making decisions about my day tomorrow, like, will I sleep past noon or not? I'm doing all these things at once and I'm sorry, but that's genius.

Earlier today I finished two hilarious cartoons which I'm certain The New Yorker will buy next week. How do I know they're hilarious? I'm a genius. You gotta believe me on this one, it's arrogant I know, but how do you explain all the amazing things I've done and continue to do or won't continue to do? What I just wrote makes no sense and only a genius would know this. God! C'mon, you have to see the tr-wait, Roni Deutch is on TV. See? Are you still reading this? If you are, I'm sorry. I have no clue what the fuck is going on right now. Seriously, I'm like a pathetic slug glued to the couch in front of two screens, a raging kid, puppy, and two different socks on. Go, do something else. I'm in love with you. See? That's funny! It's ridiculous and that's why I'm God. Wait, no, that's not right, I me-damn, Roni Deutch is hot for a tax attorney. Can you send me all your money? Just consider it, will you? I have to go now for no reason at all and really, I'm sorry for writing this and wasting your time, but just think about the money thing. Okay, I'm outta here.